Time to lay down the Music Snobbery smack down. I've read up on them and painfully listened to their albums to create this comprehensive Top 5 list.
5. They think that having overly long song titles is clever and creative. Check out these nuggets of wisdom: "Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over," "Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to do Today," "I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth" and "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me." It just smacks of undermining your audience, albeit the audience of 12-year kids with too much disposable income. By doing these idiot songs titles they are saying, "It doesn't matter what these songs are titled. We're not here to make art, but to sell you a product." I have a few songs titles for you, Pete Wentz...
- I Just Had Sex With That Hot Chick With The Big Boobs From Laguna Beach While You Were Masturbating To Internet Porn ... Again (The Ha Ha Song)
- Trying To Copy Green Day Without Much Success But Fuck It, We're Playing Arenas
- How Come Our Limo Isn't Here, Do You Know Who We Are?
- We're The Best Thing To Happen To The Music Business Since Limp Bizkit Rhymed Nookie With Cookie (The "How Bout Them Apples" Song)
4. The Origin of Their Band Name is Mentioned in Every Single Article Written About Them. Apparently, Comic Book Store Guy wasn't working. Now every time I watch that Simpsons episode ("The goggles. They do nothing!") for the rest of my life, I'll think of this assclown band. You ruined it!
3. They Are Turning The Youth of America Into Mindless Consumers I've mentioned this before, parents are worried about kids listening music with violent or sexually infused lyrics ... how about music that just plain sucks? Like any other band, Fall Out Boy started out on their own playing small clubs. I know underground hardcore is not my thing, but it just all sounds the same. It sounded like that in high school when start-up bands were trying to copy Nirvana and it sounds like that now years later. I hated it then, and I hate it now. Today, bands seem more desperate to cash in on a record deal, because they know the music is much more disposable today. The attention spans of kids is getting shorter and shorter. Fall Out Boy comes along and gives their audience exactly what they want, instantly digestible emo, pop punk that will be good today, but not 2 years from now. They will only listen to what is popular today. So for teen audiences, they will never be able to distinguish good, quality music from crap produced by corporate puppets. On the bright side, the success of Fall Out Boy keeps people in the record industry employed.
2. The Band Members All Dress And Look The Same, Just Like Every Other Emo Punk Band. You know the look: nose or lip ring, swept to the side hair, dyed black hair, some eyeliner, wallet chain, ironic T-shirt, white short sleeved shirt with skinny black tie, baggy jeans, sideburns, an assortment of unnecessary tattoos, thick leather wristbands or sweatbands, Converse or Vans sneakers, Trucker hat and sour-puss expression. The hair, styled using products found at Super Cuts, is key.
1. Why Must We All Suffer Because You Got Dumped By Some Girl Ages Ago and You Can't Get Over It? The basis for most Emo Punk songs is that life sucks. Why does life suck? Because they got dumped by the hot chick sophomore year in high school. Waaaah. Listen dude, she's not that into you. You were probably annoying. Take the diaper off, find a new girl that will only love you because you're in a rock band and write about something other than getting dumped or how your parents don't understand you.
I hope this was beneficial and educational.